just an asterisk

I don’t know about you, but normally when I get these spam emails, I read the first couple lines, chuckle about the possibility that this could fool anyone and then mark it as spam.  However, this one was so perfect in its pandering to every possible piece of human nature that I figured I’d post it on the blog.   I’m sure that some doctoral student is working on it now, but someone should explore the evolution of spam culture for the western world.  I have to think that this is the product of a long line of bad attempts and that the author has learned a thing or two about the average English speaker…

Obviously, I’m saying DON’T send money to people like this.  We can break down the letter, but these people are not nice.  They steal… Now on to the ridicule :)

 

From: Rev.David Johnson

Right off the bat, this guy is a Reverend.  How could a man of god ever be bad?  He obviously isn’t aware that Reverend is an honorific not a title (details, details).. Very impressive though.  I’m listening now.

JOHNSON ENGINEERING COMPANY,
26, V-Island Road,
Mohamed 5 Avenue,
Tйtouan-Morocco

And an Engineer?  Both brains and faith – the whole package.  With such credentials, the address must be legit! (it’s not, i checked)

Dear Friend,

I am Rev.David Johnson from Canada, I have been an international contractor that
collects contract from Big Companies and countries, I got involved in one
contract in Morocco which my payment was refused, I was down and almost lose
hope.

And a Canadian??? Do people like this even exist?  He’s a Canadian reverend who seems to have an engineering company that works with “Big Companies and countries”.  I can feel myself reaching for my wallet…  These Canadians sure do have awful grammar…

After 2 years of this contract, I later talked to God to assist me in getting
this money. I made a vow to benefit someone with the sum of Nine hundred
thousand United State Dollars (USD $900,000) draft payment if my payment could
be approved and to my surprise I was called upon by the Morocco Government
sometimes last month that my contract file have been looked into and it is ready
for payment.I never believed it until I was advised by my Pastor and later moved
down to Morocco and to my unbelievable surprise I was paid this money.

So one man of God, asks the big man (or woman) for a favor and sure enough, he delivers.  Moreover, man of God 2 (the pastor) lets man of God 1 (the reverend) know what’s going on.  So things worked out just fine… or did they?

Due to my pledge to God I have agreed to show the person that i will be sending
the Nine hundred thousand United State Dollars (USD $900,000) through ballot
system on the internet which happened to be your email so you are lucky. What
you have to do now is to get in touch with my secretary Mr Robert Dennis and
instruct him on how to send your USD $900,000 Bank draft to you.

Now we have a third player in the story (is he a man of God?) who will be my contact, now that I’ve been chosen in a completely random lottery (lucky, lucky me).  I particularly like the “Nine” rather than “nine” and the fact that it’s not 1 million – because that would just be silly…

BELOW IS THE CONTACT OF MY SECRETARY

Mr Robert Dennis
Office Phone  :
E-mail address:

I’ve removed the email address and phone of this guy.  Needless to say, it was the wrong number of digits to be ANY country’s number… and were you really going to call…?

Send to my secretary your contact address and telephone number,let him make
arrangement for the shipment of your draft to your doorstep and also you can
give him a call to confirm your address.What I want you to believe now is that
this is the opportunity which God have promised you this year so it is better
you have it in time before it goes again from you so contact my secretary in
time.And for your information presently i am in the United Kingdom for another
contract so i want you to go into prayer with me for the success of this
contract.

The end is the best part: “What I want you to believe now is that this is the opportunity that God have promised you this year”.   Invoke God and make it an issue of MY faith… THEN tell me that you are in the United Kingdom working on another contract – Very respectable.  Oh and you want me to join you in prayer for your next contract.  Sounds like a plan.  Should I add a part about funds needing to be transferred by a guy you spam via email or will you put that in this time?

With Best Regards,
Rev.David Johnson.

Well it’s over, but don’t worry!  I’m sure there will be another one soon enough.

Thanks for reliving the fun with me. 

~ab

This entry was posted on Sunday, May 24th, 2009 at 12:58 am and is filed under Random. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

We would love to hear what you have to say! You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.